The Albaani Site

Translation from the Works of the Reviver of this Century

Category: Marriage

Shaikh al-Abaani Advises a Young Guy from America who Wanted Advice on Being Gay


Questioner: Another problem, one of the brothers, O Shaikh, I got a message of his yesterday, wallaahi, makes you cry.

Al-Albaani: Allaahul-Mustaʿaan.

Questioner: Can I read it to you? It’s short, yaʿnī

Al-Albaani: Tafaḍḍal.

Questioner: “I have a problem and I don’t know if there is a solution to it, especially since I’ve tried and failed. Before I mention it I want to let you know that I don’t want to identify myself I’ll just go by the name ‘ʿAbdullah.’

I have a big problem which is ruining my life. I’m in the prime of my youth and unfortunately I suffer from the sickness of homosexuality. I have no sexual desire for the opposite sex, my sexual inclination is for those of my own sex, other guys. It started in puberty and, truth be told, I ignored it because I thought that it would pass with time and I didn’t appreciate how dangerous this issue was until after I was twenty years old when I started to try and find out if there was a medical cure for it but they said that this sickness will stay with you for as long as you live.”

Al-Albaani: Auʾūthubillah.

Questioner: “And things have gotten worse especially since now I’m at the age to get married and my family are insisting on getting me married and I just try to divert the topic every time they bring it up because I don’t want to oppress [any future spouse]. I can’t tell my family about it, I haven’t told a soul about this. I have opened my heart up to you hoping that you can help me, with Allaah’s Permission.”

So by Allaah, yaʿnī, mushkilah, O Shaikh, I started to write a letter to him and I haven’t finished it yet, I wanted to say in it that the person who told you that it is a life long disease is a devil.

Al-Albaani: Of course, you are correct in saying that.

Questioner: Naturally I wanted to remind him of some aayahs, like, “Say, ˹O Prophet, that Allah says,˺ “O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful,” [39:53] and, “Indeed, when Satan whispers to those mindful ˹of Allah˺, they remember ˹their Lord˺ then they start to see ˹things˺ clearly.” [7:201] Then I will mention the ḥadīth about that Companion who said that, “A bad thought will come to me where it is easier on me to fall out of the sky and have birds snatch me away …”

Al-Abaani: Okay.

Questioner: I’m [summarising all this here but] will mention it in full, insha Allaah.

Al-Albaani: Good, good.

Questioner: It’s from the devil, unless you have another suggestion, O Shaikh.

Al-Albaani: You must remind him of the ḥadīths which curse the person who does that, if he is a believer.

Questioner: Yes I have included that.

Al-Albaani: Ok good. If he doesn’t care and doesn’t establish his prayers, then in such a case there really is no cure.

Questioner: It doesn’t seem to me that he is wanton because his question alone doesn’t show that he is, O Shaikh.

Al-Albaani: That is how it seems and as such you should give him the narrations which strike fear [into the soul] and which warn [against such actions].

Questioner: Yes.

Al-Albaani: Because in addition to what you mentioned earlier these narrations will, inshaa Allaah, be a cure for him. And tell him to also make sure to say the adhkār and the supplications that have been reported for all occasions, like when leaving the house, when coming into it—all of these are legislated means and are regarded as spiritual cures for all diseases of the soul. And if you could give him a copy of Ṣaḥīḥ al-Kalim aṭ-Ṭayyib if you have one.

Questioner: Yes I have a copy, inshaa Allaah.

Al-Albaani: He needs to take care in memorising these adhkār and that he makes sure to say them in every situation and in that way, inshaa Allaah, the cure will happen.

Questioner: How authentic is the ḥadīth that the Throne of ar-Raḥmān shakes at …

Al-Albaani: It’s not authentic.

Questioner: It’s not authentic?

Al-Albaani: No.

Questioner: [Any other] ḥadīth which strike fear into one?

Al-Albaani: Maybe you can refer to my book [about marriage], Ādāb az-Zafāf [available in English under the title ‘The Etiquettes of Marriage and Weddings’].

Questioner: The one who does it and the one it is done to …

Al-Albaani: Yes my book Ādāb az-Zafāf has a good amount of ḥadīths about that.

Questioner: [Never heard the Shaikh properly:] Where can I find them?

Al-Albaani: I said Ādāb az-Zafāf.

Questioner: Ādāb az-Zafāf.

Al-Albaani: My book Ādāb az-Zafāf you must have a copy?

Questioner: Yes I do, yes.

Al-Albaani: Do you have the al-Maktabah al-Islāmiyyah one, not the al-Maktab al-Islāmī one?

Questioner: I got a copy from Kuwait two years ago and you said that we shouldn’t rely on the other copy.

Al-Albaani: Yes.

Questioner: I have the al-Maktabah al-Islāmiyyah print.

Al-Albaani: That’s the one.

Questioner: This is the latest one?

Al-Albaani: Yes it is. Inshaa Allaah go back to that and take some of the ḥadīth from there on this topic …

Fatwās from the Car and on the Phone, no. 268.

Does a Wife Have to Serve Her Husband? Yes? No? Obligatory [Wājib]? Recommended [Mustaḥab]?


Questioner: Concerning a woman serving her husband at home, is it obligatory [wājib] or recommended [mustaḥab]?

Al-Albaani: [Allaah said,] “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, as they have been provisioned by Allaah over women and tasked with supporting them financially …” [4:34, and He said,] “… and men have a degree [of responsibility] over them,” [2:228] so a woman must serve her husband in exchange for him doing what is obligatory on him, [obligations] that Allaah imposed on him, like spending on her, housing etc.

So it is not allowed for someone to say that the right of a man is only that he can enjoy relations with her, since this is something that both sides share in, just as he enjoys that with her she does with him too, so in this issue they are both the same and equal.

So in exchange for the financial aid that the man undertakes the woman must serve him, and there is no doubt that this is limited to what she is capable of doing since Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.

As for the situation getting to a stage where it is said, and unfortunately it has been said, that it is not obligatory for her to even give him a cup of water, or to make the bed and I don’t know [what else] … who will make the bed, subḥānallāh! The verse is very clear—because the man has a right over the woman apart from physical relations.

For this reason we find that in the biographies of the Companions with their women and the biographies of the women with their men, [we find] that they used to serve their husbands to such an extent that they would carry ground date-stones on their heads [date-stones would be ground and served as fodder for camels], and not only that [either].

For in Ṣaḥīḥ Bukhārī it has been reported that Fāṭimah the Daughter of the Prophet ﷺ came to her father ﷺ complaining about the marks on her hands from the hand-mill because she would grind flour in the house, so she asked him ﷺ for a maid so he ﷺ said to her, “Shall I not inform you of something better than a maid? That you say subḥānallah when you sleep … ” to the end of the ḥadīth, if it were not an obligation on her—and she is the Daughter of the Chief of Mankind ﷺ—if it were not obligatory on her to serve her husband, he ﷺ would have gone to her husband to say to him, “That is enough, don’t burden your wife with having to serve you.”

She had marks on her hands, but he ﷺ bore it [i.e., bore seeing his daughter’s hands like that ﷺ], because he ﷺ was the one to whom that verse was revealed, “… and men have a degree [of responsibility] over them,” [2:228], so this verse along with the practical Sunnah which the Companions were on with their wives and which they were on with their husbands—all of it shows that it is obligatory for a woman to serve her husband, within the confines of ability as we mentioned earlier.

Questioner: But O Shaikh some people say the silence the Prophet ﷺ showed, was it enough for it to be taken to mean it is obligatory?

Al-Albaani: We didn’t only mention the proof alone, we say that the practical life [example that they lived] is the tafsīr of the verse, what they did practically is not a proof on its own to say that it is obligatory, but when it comes as a tafsīr of a Qurʾanic verse or of something in the Sunnah, then it shows the obligation.

Questioner: Okay, some people say that if a woman used to have a maid when she was living in her father’s house then it is obligatory for the husband to get her a maid too, even if he is poor, is this right?

Al-Albaani: We say, “Show ˹us˺ your proof, if what you say is true.” [27:64].

Obviously that is not right.

Since every claim that is made which doesn’t have a proof from Allaah’s Book or the ḥadīths of Allaah’s Prophet ﷺ in this issue falls to the side and is not paid any mind. What has been said earlier is enough to show that it is not obligatory for the man to get his wife a maid.

Additionally I say that bringing a maid/helper to the wife’s home, whether a male or female, exposes one of the two to fitnah, if the person who comes to help is a woman then the man can fall into fitnah and if it is a man then the woman can fall into it …
Al-Hudā wan-Nūr, 33.

On Marriage


The Imaam said, “If a suitor’s uprightness in his [day to day] life is not known before he proposes, you’re going to make it a condition that he prays and gives charity [after he’s married?]! Someone greater than you, your Creator and his, [already] stipulated that condition on him—so if he’s failed to meet the provision set by the Lord of the Worlds, won’t he fail to meet one set by a humble man? For that reason, this stipulation, my brother, is ink on paper of no value.”

Al-Hudaa wan-Noor, 174.

How does a Husband Deal with the Differences that Occur Between His Mother and His Wife?


 

Questioner: I have a mother and she causes problems with my wife, what should I do?

Al-Albaani: I’m thinking about this question [and as to] what my answer should be—I’m not with you such that I can know how it is that you deal with your mother and how she deals with your wife, so that I can [then, based upon that] say in answer to your question that you should do such and such. I don’t know what should be done.

But maybe you can bring to mind Allaah’s Statement عز وجل, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’” [Al-Israa 23-24]

Maybe you interact with your mother the way your Lord has decreed in this aayah?

Questioner: Oh Shaikh …

Al-Albaani: I’m asking you but you’re not answering, maybe you are doing what your Lord has decreed in this aayah?

Questioner: Yes …

Al-Albaani: So then what’s the problem?

Questioner: The problem is that she is ignorant of the legislation and opposes it in my house and with my wife, and when … I’ll give you some examples, O Shaikh …

Al-Albaani: No, we’re not in need of examples. Is she, for example, more misguided than Aazar, [Prophet] Ibrahim’s father?

Questioner: I don’t know that story well, O Shaikh.

Al-Albaani: Don’t you know that Ibrahim عليه السلام was the Khaleel of Ar-Rahmaan, and his father was a polytheist, and in the Quraan it mentions that he would [yet still] always admonish him by saying, “O my father! O my father! O my father!” “O my father! Do not worship the Devil!” [Maryam: 44]. So he was always gentle with him even though he was a polytheist—and no matter how ignorant, as you said, your mother is, she still, inshaa Allaah, is not a polytheist, so it is important that you are gentle in dealing with her, this is from one angle.

On the other hand concerning your wife, is she righteous, inshaa Allaah, and listens to what you say and obeys you?

Questioner: This is the other problem, she is also ignorant of some of the legislation.

Al-Albaani: Then how do you want me to give you an answer to a problem which is sitting between two? The first is to do with your mother and the other is connected to your wife—you find a solution to it according to what the legislation and sound reasoning together dictate.

Al-Hudaa wan-Noor, 437.

Ignorant Students Who Propped Themselves Up Treading Where Al-Albaani Wouldn’t Go: The Shaikh Asked About a Father in the UK Forcing His Daughter to Marry Someone Who Doesn’t Pray


 

Questioner: A father who doesn’t pray, he wants to force his daughter who is practicing to marry a guy who doesn’t pray, so the daughter went ahead and disobeyed her father and left the home and married a practising man with the agreement of, ‘the person charged with authority over the affairs of the Muslims [‘Walee Amr al-Muslimeen’],’ in that area, so what is the ruling about that marriage?

Al-Albaani: How is, ‘the person charged with authority over the affairs of the Muslims [‘Walee Amr al-Muslimeen’],’ her walee? Is it possible for you to explain the picture further?

Questioner: It’s about Britain, O Shaikh of Ours.

Al-Albaani: The, ‘Walee Amr al-Muslimeen,’ in Britain.

Questioner: There are people in authority [umaraa], O Shaikh of Ours, in different areas in the UK, they undertake the supervision of the affairs of the Muslims as regards Islamic centres and marriage contracts and affairs such as these, so she got married through this man and refused to marry through her father who doesn’t pray to someone who doesn’t pray.

Al-Albaani: We like this refusal and hold it to be incumbent—but the other problem is [still] there, which is for her to marry without the permission of her walee when the Prophet ﷺ said, “And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.”

So I want to see the, ‘Walee al-Muslimeen,’ [of Britain] as you termed him—and [when you said that] the mind wandered off thinking, ‘Where is this Walee al-Muslimeen and in which country?’

And lo [and behold] he is in Britain.

So these people who are there, who have propped themselves up as those in authority [umaraa]—in your opinion are they scholars?

Questioner: Students of knowledge, O Shaikh.

Al-Albaani: In this situation I say that a Muslim girl must ask someone whose knowledge she trusts, presenting her story to that scholar, whether he [i.e., that scholar] is in the east or the west, [asking], ‘What is the solution that you have? My father wants me to marry a non-Muslim man or someone who is a faasiq at the very least, and a religious, practicing person has proposed to me …’ and so on, ‘What should I do?’

So this scholar who [really] is a scholar and who is from those people who are in authority according to the text of the Noble Quran [see Surah Nisaa 4:59], it is possible that he can permit her to marry—[but] I fear about those who you initially referred to with that inflated statement [of yours, i.e., when he called them, ‘the person charged with authority over the affairs of the Muslims [‘Walee Amr al-Muslimeen’]] and then you brought it down a little by saying they were ‘those in authority’ … and these ones ‘in authority’ have propped themselves up, no one put them there—and such a situation results in many evils and much fitnah.

And I am virtually certain that they speak about many issues which they come across there without knowledge—because they, as you said, are students of knowledge—and what knowledge have they acquired? Maybe he has a degree or a doctorate in some sciences—and then he goes and sits in those alien lands and lands of disbelief, expanding what he knows a little.

So what is important is that this issue needs caution and restraint and that it is not rushed, such that we get rid of one problem only to fall into another, ‘We were in the rain and then ended up under the drain,’ as they say—the father orders her to marry a disbeliever or a faasiq, it isn’t allowed for her to obey him but it also isn’t allowed for her to marry herself off. She must take her case to a Muslim ruler/judge [haakim], and it is this haakim who will marry her off—and these people [you mentioned] are not haakims.

Questioner: If they got someone to write to you, O Shaikh of ours, if they wrote to you, so that you could write an answer for them, inshaa Allaah.

Al-Albaani: No. I’m not from them, they write to the one who judges and passes judgement between the people—I can give a fatwa but I do not adjudicate.

Al-Hudaa wan-Noor, 542.

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